Starting Over Again...again

The clock is a thief and the calendar a liar. Nearly as broken down as that old Ford you still can’t make yourself part with, now you are faced with The Question. What Now? What Next?

The event that brings on this sudden attack of angst is the rapidly approaching wedding of my youngest daughter. In less than a month I’ll be walking her down the aisle and dancing badly to “Butterfly Kisses “at the reception. It finally dawned upon me that I don’t have a clue what to do with myself.

At eighteen I knew everything. The world seemed to be my oyster and all the answers rested on my fingertips. The love of my life was just down the road and the future all mapped out for me. Life was defined by things yet to be. There was plenty of time to find all the answers.

Time passed as it nearly always will. I fell in love, married and the children came along. Finding the answer to “What’s it all for?” took a back seat to working 60 hours a week, rent checks and diaper duty. The daily grind met the unforeseen disaster with unexpected regularity and True Love took its leave along with the one that brought it.

At thirty, I started over again. New loves and career options became single parenting and the understanding of what love truly means. More time passed; quickly becoming filled with homework, babysitters, school plays and vacation Bible School. That’s how two little girls became the pivot my whole life turned round.

How quickly the days sped by as those little girls grew. College, boyfriends, and now husbands all push papa to the rear and that is as it should be. I don’t mind, really.

Now its two ex-wives (who both still like me), five children and 35 years later and I still don’t know what it’s all for. The real answer to life, the universe and everything may not be 42 but I think I’ll keep on asking. It’ll give me a “what next” as I start over again…again. Seems simple, eh?